So many people are broken before they ever get a chance to understand what grace means. The world can weigh heavy and push anyone to walk away from even an established faith. God doesn't want your religion he wants your relationship.
"Amazing grace how sweet the sound"
I remember hearing those beautifully sung words as a child seated on a thinly padded pew toward the back of the church. Southern Acapella harmonies drifted into my soul a comforting cacophony of hope.
Growing does something to the hope of a child. Time passes with hard lessons learned proving at every turn how the world is not so tender and mild. Trusted people look the other way. Then as pain hardens a heart, they peer down their noses in dismay.
Next breath comes the sermon of simple words. Forgiveness, those same people preach. Claims of understanding your hurts. Turning your pain into a tool for their reach.
Inside a mocking laugh
Have Grace. Show Grace. Grace. Grace. Grace.
"That saved a wretch like me."
Holding my head high pride masking my pain, I refused to play your holy game. Determined not to let religion declare what is right for me. Walking away from your passive aggressive Christian hypocrisy. I'll forge my own path. You just watch and see.
Living fast and loose pumping oblivion into my veins. Filling this gaping hole with anything the world says will ease my pain. High on who knows what while pretending I am sober and sane. Circumstances are more than bleak in this darkness peace I seek. Failing and letting my past take the blame because a different childhood and things wouldn't be the same.
Time was not my friend and with the passing years my soul began to age. I built my own cage. Scared to make a move but more terrified to stay. The mirror echoes my inner most fears making me believe my sin is as visible as a scarlet A.
Is this rock bottom? Bloody and bruised I pull up from the ground. Hoping I am not too lost be found. Walking through familiar doors trying to redefine what has been worn by choices and time.
I brave the second glances people are taking. Inside, I am quaking, worried, and just waiting. Certainly, someone will say what I know they are all thinking. I don't belong and those words complete my breaking.
Silently, I am pleading. Please.
Have Grace. Show Grace. Grace. Grace. Grace.
"How precious did that grace appear. The hour I first believed."
A familiar embrace pulls me in. Streams of questions from long lost friends. No, I told you so only, how have you been? Hot coffee appears in my hand and tentative smile curves my lips as I receive an invitation to sit.
Then a sermon on a familiar parable. Squandered opportunities and drunken nights, I have had my share of those. How did this become my life? So, lost and broken that the prodigal is with whom I identify?
All I can think about are choices. So many choices. So many unforgiveable moments and screaming voices. It hurts. I hurt. No matter how hard I try I only seem to make things worse. Grace, I don't deserve.
Warmth of a hand squeezing mine. When did I start to cry? Standing with the closing line. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. Do you want to give your life to Christ? Without permission my feet moved. A spark ignites and for the first time my soul is soothed.
A gentle nudge
Have Grace. Show Grace. Grace. Grace. Grace.
"I once was lost, but now I am found. Was blind, but now I see."
Tiny waves lapping my feet. My heart pounds and erratic beat. Another step down and the water is above my knees. Tears of joy overflow up raised cheeks. One final question, do you believe?
Tipping back enveloped by water. Entering dirty and underserving but rising a cleansed daughter.
Then applause turns into song and embrace. Floating through the air old familiar words find my ears. Words tucked away in my heart patiently waiting for me to truly hear.
"Amazing grace how sweet the sound. That saved a wretch like me."
My eyes are open, and I can finally see grace was always there, just waiting for me.
It is an indescribable call to change. When grace is truly received, it is impossible to remain the same.
Have Grace. Show Grace. Sweet, beautiful, amazing Grace.
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