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Stephanie Tobola

Do you love me?

Have you ever had someone in your life who constantly says, 'I love you'? My mom is like this. I try not to get frustrated, but then there are times when she has said it so often that I want to scream, I KNOW! It took me a while to understand that this is a symptom of her extreme depression and anxiety. Just like with my children, when she says 'I love you' or any variation she is looking for confirmation that I still love her.

Now, that thought is frustrating too, because if I didn't love her, I wouldn't still take care of her. In my mind, my actions speak louder than any words could. So, I wrote this poem trying to put myself into my mother's shoes.


Do you love me


I don't do it on purpose

pathetic is not my choice

I do try to keep my emotions from the surface

but logic is quiet beside anxiety's voice


Anxiety whispers lies to me

I swear this is not about sympathy

but my brain is stuck on repeat

I can't move on till I get the response I need


I am worthless and a waste

the lie echoes as tears caress my face

Was that your voice or mine?

alone it becomes difficult to differentiate


I am unlovable

I know you have said it isn't true

but your words were clipped with annoyance

the lies intertwine and I can't break through


Repeating old conversations

reading between nonexistent lines

always overthinking

loneliness feeding the anxiety lies


The tone of your voice confirms my fears

you sigh at my old questions

burden, that's what I am

when the feeling overwhelms you hang up on my tears


I know this is not ideal for you

to constantly need to regroup

I promise I am trying

but I can't stop my brain from lying


So, when I say 'I love you' again

its more than sentiment

When I say 'I love you'

I just need to confirm

Do you love me too?




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