I don't need you. You have planted your feet on that truth. I can see the resignation in your eyes. You didn't come for a fight. No, you have already made up your mind. But the more ardently you repeat the more I hear me not needing you as less of a fact and more of an excuse.
I am not sure why, but you are running scared. Words of confidence and comfort pour from my lips in an attempt to convince, but no matter how sincere I am I cannot make you believe. You remain steady focused on what you think I need.
I don't need you, it's true. But is that such a bad thing? Why is my independence and ability to self-sustain something that you are twisting into shame? Don't you see the strength and power in me choosing you out of desire instead of need brought out by desperation and direness?
Friendship, intimacy, and comfort are things that I need. For me, love is a partnership. A common ground where our individual goals meet. We take our strengths and combine, lifting and carrying one another in all seasons as we build a life. So, is the hesitation just the change from lover to wife?
I think you are trying to be noble. Bowing out. In attempt to prevent hurt you let go and remain immobile. But your actions are those of coward, hiding your insecurities behind the shield of me not needing you. Too scared to dive in, and you are right things may come to a devastating end. But isn't it possible that this leap is nothing more than the way we begin?
To love or not to love is a choice and that is what your fear is keeping from seeing. Me wanting you is so much better than needing. My actions have backed up my words at every turn, but it's never enough. I wish you would just come out and say it. Say I am not what you want.
I don't need you. Insecurities have taken that beautiful truth and weaponized it. Forcing me to walk away from you. Indiscernible is the pain of breaking heart. But pain reminds me I am alive. I will heal. The truly tragic part is that you can't see how much better want is than need.
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