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Stephanie Tobola

What's the Point?

Updated: Jun 7

Hello lovely readers and thank you for being here. If you are here, then you already know I am publishing a book entitled Ketchup Sandwiches. Fun name for a serious topic. In my book you (the reader) get a first-person perspective of my life from twelve years old through nineteen. You get to see everything through my eyes as well as get insight into my thoughts in each moment.

Why would I think my life is interesting enough to share? What is the point of sharing my story? Valid questions. I am not any more significant than the next person. The sad ugly truth is my story is not even a unique one.

Like so many children, my story is one of abuse and neglect. The dominate characters in my early childhood were parents too absorbed in the addictions and untreated mental illness to parent. A mother who self-medicated to deal with the symptoms of her untreated bi-polar disorder and a father who drank to deal with his depression.

The combination of drugs, alcohol, and mental illness cultivated the perfect conditions for abuse and neglect to take center stage. My parents’ marriage dissolved in a whirl of punches, ugly words, police lights, and the morning after apologies. Their divorce launched my mother into a new world where she consistently chose instant gratification and quick fixes over being a mother. My mother's inability to think outside of her own needs and desires led to my sisters and myself being placed in unsafe situations and left to fend for ourselves a majority of the time.

All of that information is sad, disturbing, and a million other things, but still does not answer the main question. What's the point? As sad and disturbing as my early childhood was, the bigger message is hope and healing. With the help of a wonderful Christian therapist, I was able to move through my trauma and develop the tools she gave me to deal with moments that paralyzed me or launched me into rage.

When I started this journey, I wanted to present my story in a way that drew the reader in and made them feel the things that I felt. I started this project several times before I finally found the right way to tell my story. By having you (the reader) walk through my story in this first-person perspective you will be able to experience my emotions and see how the trauma shaped my views on relationships, trust, and security.

Most importantly walking through my meeting with my therapist you (the reader) will get that same first-person perspective of my healing process. You will walk through how I learned to forgive and trust the adults in my life. You will get to struggle with me as I navigate healing from child sexual abuse and even find a way to accept romantic love. Finally, you will see the healing come full circle as I move through my first year of college fully on my own and find myself thriving.

So, what is the point? The point is past trauma does not have to define the present. The point is that healing is possible. The point is to share hope.

I am so excited to get Ketchup Sandwiches out to all of you lovely people. Even more excited at the possibility that sharing my story can help someone else heal. Stay tuned here for more blog posts and up-to-date book details. Feel free to check out my socials give it a look, give it a like, give it a share, can't wait to see you there.

with love, Stephanie

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